I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We don't watch enough power rangers
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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