what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I understand Curling. That high.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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