my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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