The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
