So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
