I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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