I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
