u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
