he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
