I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
