I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
