I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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