last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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