I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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