I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
