So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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