I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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