i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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