We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
