she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
