im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Barsexuality is the new black.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
