how hairy? two words: wookie tits
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
