birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
should my penis look like a turkey
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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