I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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