Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
