First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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