I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
