girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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