Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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