You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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