I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
