I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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