I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
