"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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