Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
