i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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