she woke up with a sticky ear
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
it's like iHOP with fire
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
