I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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