please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
