Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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