So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just gargled with NyQuil
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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