i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
