i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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