that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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