It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
