R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
