According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
