i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I can't turn off my feet"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
