Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
