My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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