And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
