hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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