Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
