Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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