I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.