I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT