how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms