I'm so fucking centered right now
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.