I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
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My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
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A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.