Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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