it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just found puke in my bra..
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
