So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
