before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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