i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
