why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My dick has a subreddit
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
