why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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