My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
