I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
