I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
