Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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