I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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