he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
