I am spending my child support on dildos
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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