I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
