It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
