Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
