I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
