you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
no you cant smoke seaweed
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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