new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
