I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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