I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
we're making bets on your personal life
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
