Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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