I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
