do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
