You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
