All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
